da-cam-man!

FIRST TIMER

IF THE LITTLE ICQ BUTTON DOES NOT WORK ......MY ICQ#56298432

S0Oo.......This is where i will start too tell you what you u could expect to see here this is easy.I like chatting about anything,and everyhing all the time.. i like the thought of people watching me while i am ,doing what ever i am doing at the time(this could range from,picking my nose to having a good time..who knows.

The next thing i would like to say is that i am not GAY...I do not like the though of someone sticking there cock up my ass so please do not ask me to enter into sick conversations about this topic....thanx

If the screen comes up blank with a little red cross in the top left hand corner then there is already ten people looking at me so just hit the reload/refress button it mat take a few attemps to get in but it will happen ...(in time)

*JOKES*

Stupid People should wear signs Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say,

"I'm Stupid."

That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says,

"Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes.

Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock yells,

"Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked 'em into giving up.

Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it.

"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good.. They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you."

"Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it".

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said,

"Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me.

Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes,

"Darn that's hot!"

See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report.

He went through his basic questioning. No problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?"

I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig, then back to him and said,

"No I'm delivering a friggin' bridge...Here's your sign!"

MORE JOKES~Just click on the banners!

Three blonde women are stranded on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across. The first blonde women prays to God to make her smart enough to think of a way to cross the river. God turns her into a brown haired woman, and she swam across. The second blonde woman prays to God to make her even smarter, so she can think of a better way to cross the river. God turns her into a red-haired woman and she builds a boat and rows across. The third blonde woman prays to God to make her the smartest of all, so God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

>THE 17 WAYS WOMEN FAIL IN BED

1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshiped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.

2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.

3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like, "Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences.

5.CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanentblindness in most cases-but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.

6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.

7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises without thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.

8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it really. If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.

9. BEING A DRIP: Always have tissues in your bag. Use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying: "Are you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and gifted human beings.

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing.

12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it, but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.

13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave ALL your pubic hair off. It makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.

15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savouring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

16. BEING UNGRATEFUL: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if: a) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or b) you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's, so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.

17. SEEKING FAVOURS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask, "Do you think I should buy that dress, skirt, sofa, Mercedes, country cottage?" There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain - prostitution. ><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><> A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<>><><><

>Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

To a pessimist, the glass is half empty

To an optimist, the glass is half full

To an engineer, the glass is twice the size it should be

><><><><><>,((and that one 2 was shitty))><><>><><><>

An old married couple are sitting on the porch in their rocking chairs, when all of a sudden the little old lady reaches out and slaps the little old man so hard he falls right off the porch!! He gets up, dusts himself off, sits back down and says, "Now what was that for?" His wife answers, >"That's for having such a small penis." They continue to rock, and all of a sudden the little old man reaches out and slaps the little old lady so hard that SHE falls right off the porch!! She gets up, dusts herself off, sits back down and asks, "Now what was THAT for?" Her husband answers, that's for knowing the difference!!"

><><>>>>>.....<><>><><><>....<><><><><><><>

.................Letter from redneck mom to redneck son....................

Dear Redneck Son; I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.... Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.Love, Mom P.S. I was going to send you some money butthe envelope was already sealed.

What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are.

What women get: A fat, fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him.

What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off a flag pole.

What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra lbs. the moment after she says "I Do", beginning with the wedding cake!

What women want in bed: A passionate lover who takes the time to kiss and gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experience together.

What they get: "Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!", Belch, Fart, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What men expect out of a marriage: 3 loving children who honor their parents.

What they get: 3 hellions who are a combination of their parents every fault and make their life a living hell.

1st anniversary card from husband to wife: "My sweet loving wife....I hope this first year is a reflection of the next 60 years, you are my heart and soul, I am forever yours." 5th anniversary card: "I love you so much honey...words cannot describe." 10th anniversary card: "Hey, how's it hangin'? Love Ya'!!" 15th anniversary card: "Ummmmmmmmm...... 'sup?" 16th anniversary card from wife to husband: "You are hereby summoned to divorce proceedings..."

This lady was riding up the elevator one day and after a couple of stops a man came in. She thought he was quite attractive, and she felt really horny. So to get his attention she took off her blouse and said "Meow meow look at me now!". But he didn't look.
So she took off her skirt and said "Meow meow look at me now" But he still didn't take any notice of her.

So she took her bra and undies off and said "Meow, Meow, LOOK AT ME NOW!" and finally the elevator stopped to let the man off,

he turned to her and said "Woof woof I'm a poof" >

money for nothin,,coming soon